psalm ** : ** [ a song of annabelle ]

O Lord . 

You know where i've been , every deepest pit ;

every flickering fleeting hope.  You know because You were there , 

with me , for me .

You know my pain even more deeply than i do.  You are the giver of my joys . 

You forgive my selfishness and self pity .

You stoop down to meet me in my blind and brokenness . You sit with me 'til day break and then still , always will remain . 

in the pits of hell , body clutched , eyes locked shut as a steal trap door , 

You remain . You never never took , and never will take , Your Presence from me . 

When i refuse You , You are still there . 

When everyone else leaves me , You stay . 

stronger than any attempts to kill me , You sustain me . my very breathe . 

my very beating heart . 

my ability to see You or feel you does not change You . 

it does not shake You . 

You are the healer , and even more , You are the resurrector .

slowly , as understanding slips into the peripheral realm of my senses , i cling to the Promise ; to You , that one day and one day soon I will You fully and clearly . 

past . present . future . 

questions answered . 

doubts irrelevant . 

angels singing and demons destroyed . 

I am Yours , and You are mine . 

Jesus , hold me .  carry me out of the shadows away from the grip of death and into Your Glorious Light and Life . 

grip my wavering heart in Your unshakeable Grace .

You . my immovable fortress.

my lifeline .

my only Hope and desperate plea , 

not for what You do but only for who You are .

a pure love for You made possible in Your pure love for me . 

teach me . 

lead me . 

love me .

You , oh faithful , ever-present God ,

let me find You in hidden places . 

help me believe You are in the things unseen . 

honesty unlocks doors . we cannot get to the place that we are going if we do not [ cannot ] acknowledge and engage the place that we are in .

Jesus drinks cappuccinos .

i know most of you are anxiously waiting , with anticipatory laughter , for the story on my running out of gas on a 35 mile farm to market road in Crockett , Texas .  [ for those of you who don't follow me on social media . . . that happened ] the full story is coming , i promise .

i'm not yet in waco and i hesitate to say that my trip is almost ' done ' . it is true that the driving portion is almost done , once i do arrive in waco it will only be the very beginning of all that lies ahead of me . i have barely scratched the surface of this adventure and there is already so much i would love to share with you but for now , i sit nestled up in a cozy bed in the of home of my brother , sister - in - law , and sweet niece , rose jubilee and it seems only fitting as i rest here for the next several days , the stories filled with busyness be put on hold and i leave with you instead , this short , sweet , intimate vulnerability .
so for the next few moments , i invite you back to yesterday . to stand over my shoulder at Mylo Coffee Co . in Little Rock , Arkansas sipping an almond milk honey cappuccino with Jesus ; to read as i write listening as He speaks  :::: 

i think i could drive the country forever . 
intentionally of course . . 
my time has been rich and weightless . satisfying and fulfilling .
friends . conversations . myself . Jesus .
coffee shops . mountains . detours . adventure . 

free . 

**psalm 48 . 

i've been living in a world where air seems scarce and for the first time in a long time my lungs are rich with breathe . they are in no want and fear no lack of air . 
i am saturated with life around me ; awestruck by grace ; held captivated by love .
i believe in the life around me and am ignited by hope . 
i feel my heart dreaming but nothing my mind can begin to define , quantify , or contain . 

wonder . splendor . majesty . enchantment and charm . . . the true kind . the pure kind . the kind that grows . 
birth and rebirth .
life and more life . 

this. is the taste of eternity ; the soul set on fire .

**as is your name O God , so is Your praise to the ends of the earth .