all of me for all of Him .

following Jesus is anything but easy and the more you give yourself up to Him , the more you realize you have to lay down . 

He is an all or nothing God . 

every bit of me is shattered , weary , broken , and fatigue has earned an entirely knew meaning dripping with aches and pains . 

there is tired , and then there is . . this . . 

it cannot be any other way . 

there are times of frustration , discouragement , anger , doubt , and pitfalls into bouts of i can't do this anymore . 

or even 

i don't want to do this anymore . 

but simultaneously as the thought pulses through my flesh my spirit cries 

where else would i go ?

what else would i do ?

[[ john 6 : 68 ]]

He has promised me the end , the glory , the wholeness , the every thing made new . 

I'm here . I'm in . I will see His word fulfilled . I will receive the Promises . I will see Him . 

the days are long and the nights often longer as hour by hour new emotions , experiences , and battles of the journey arise . some are sung with the joys of heaven while others screech with the horrors of hell . 

i face them all . i embrace them all . 

i . will . see . God . 

i will arrive in the fullness of glory .

even if it means dying in the process of getting there . 

more than ever i live desperately clinging to 2 corinthians 12 : 8 - 9 and so graciously reminded each night by the heroes around me of lamentations 3 : 22 - 24 . 

how else can a heart be made new but by first being torn down in order that it may be , in the fullest and purest sense , built back up again . [[ isaiah 60 ]] 

honestly , i sometimes become so overwhelmed and begin to fear might break . . that ill fail and taint the name

of Jesus . 

but that is a lie from the very pit of hell and a contradiction to the very nature of who God is , a stripping of His glory . 

His power is made perfect and weakness 

His glory on display for all to see . 

i give Him all of me , that i may have all of Him . . . clinging to and fully embraced in the Truth of His Word .

For He [ God ] Himself has said I will not in any way fail you nor give you up nor leave you without support . [ I will ] not , [ I will ] not , [ I will ] not in any degree leave you helpless nor forsake you nor let [ you ] down ( relax my hold on you ! ) [ Assuredly not ! ] 
[[ hebrews 13 : 5 ]]