i'm excited to have words to share with you for the
first while in a long while . believe me , there have been words. . .
spoken
and heard .
shouted , sung , and wept .
written and scribbled .
conscious and half awake .
i don't like to . . . i can't . . . write when my
own words are in the way .
here is a place the words should come soft , smooth
, and natural . they should flow , one giving birth to the next .
forced words are aggressive .
you may not know the difference but i do .
desperate words are untrusted words . and that's
okay .
so i wait .
and at last , once again , here we are .
today was wonderful yet as the evening drew on i
grew more and more frustrated and easily upsettable which in turn , continued
to make me all the more irritated at being so irritable .
who has the power to drive me more insane than any
other person ? myself . hands down . not always . but on nights like tonight .
i had a post i was going to write and it's turning
out a little differently but , actually both come down to the same thing .
i am frustrated . and sure the little things
getting to me are annoying but i am not typically that shakeable .
i am frustrated with myself . i am frustrated at
the places i don't quite let my Father fully love me yet . but do you know that
even that begs the question of the bottom line ?
if i am frustrated with myself for where i am at ,
i am frustrated with my processes .
but the process isn't mine . if i'm frustrated with
my process i am frustrated , actually , with His process .
if i am frustrated with His process , i am also
impatient with it .
if i am both frustrated and impatient with His
process , i am frustrated with Him .
if i am frustrated with Him , ultimately , i am not
trusting Him .
if i am not trusting Him , there is , at least ,
one lie i am believing about Him for He is , in the essence of who He is ,
fully trustworthy .
there also begs a second issue that begs to couple
the first , i am looking with the wrong perspective and with the wrong
perspective comes ingratitude .
if i am focused on frustration with where i am at
compared to where i wish to be , i am first of all unthankful for where i am
and also lacking to acknowledge where He has brought me from and how far we
have come for in that , there is everything to celebrate .
how often does our worship , though true , cater to
the weepiness of our spirit . we need consolation and so we pick the slow songs
. the soft ones . the poetic mushy ones .
you know what i'm talking about .
i am absolutely in no was saying there is a single
thing wrong with any of these . believe me , i love them . i breathe them . and
they do most certainly feed a certain kind of desperation .
they do though , at the same time , leave it only
partially tended .
we need the words that hold us , that breathe soft
breathe back into our lungs , the truth that sweetly soothes us .
but where are the songs that get us out of bed and
off of our couches ? that ones we can't help but sing and shout along ? where
are the songs of celebration and declaration ? the ones you can't possibly keep
your hands down . these songs are the ones that bring the character and promise
of God to fullness . that remind us not only of His love but also of His
faithfulness .
they remind us of His power for he is both gentle and mighty .
we don't need part of Him .
we need all of Him .
so please , i beseech you , cry to Jesus ( nobody
does it better than i do ) weep with Him - for He does just that - weeps with
us . for us . harder in fact , than we do .
but laugh with Him too . even when you don't feel
like it . especially when you don't feel like it .
shout His name and remind your soul of what He's
done for you .
you will find yourself in tears for an entirely
different [ or at least now multitude of ] reasons .
oh the Lord is fun ! and He delights in what
delights you . . it is He who put that delight within you !
so i've made an additional playlist . a few
actually .
my cuddle worship hasn't gone anywhere but now it's
right next to my declaration playlist . . . which is also next to a second new
one . . it's not worship music at all . . or is it ? it's not categorized as '
christian & gospel ' but i enjoy it and it's a little bit of everything -
yes , miley cyrus included . you want to know what it's called ? shits &
giggles . don't look at me , He told me to call it that .
why ? because He knows me ! He loves me ! He made me ! He is a lighthearted God !
He cries harder than i do and He also laughs harder
than my roommates do when i dance around singing karaoke in a towel because i
got distracted on the way to the shower
' my yoke is easy and my
burden is light ' matthew 11 : 30
Jesus isn't all heavy you know .
so homework . keep that consolation list .
but also make your victory one .
and then ?
yep . shits & giggles .
you can even borrow my title ;)
yours truly .
ab
